1.  Real love will provide a safe holding space for you – a safe haven to return to in times of distress and lift you up even more in times of celebration. A toxic soul contract may feel fated (your souls will appear to recognize each other instantly even in different physical bodies), but it will keep you away from your true destiny. In a toxic soul contract with a“karmic soulmate,” you will be thrown into a tumultuous power struggle and imbalance with someone who refuses to see your value. You will battle insecurities you never had manufactured in you by the toxic partner, feel diminished, compared to others, and challenged to survive rather than thrive. You will spend more time agonizing over the toxicity of your relationship than staying connected to and pursuing your soul’s true purpose. In a truly loving relationship, you will feel encouraged to pursue your dreams and your partner’s faith and investment in you will cause you to expand rather than shrink or dim your light. 

Some people may hold the spiritual belief that this experience is due to trying to address energetic ties and unfinished business you had with this person throughout past lives, but it’s important to realize that if you are in any kind of emotional or physical danger, you do not need to resolve such toxic connections and may find it more empowering to walk away in this current “soul contract” or relationship. In fact, the ability to set healthy boundaries, stand up for yourself, and pursue the good you truly deserve can be one of the most powerful soul lessons you can learn.

2. You will feel encouraged to speak your truth in a loving relationship filled with mutual trust and respect. In a toxic relationship or soul contract, you will often be punished, shamed, and ridiculed for having differing perspectives or expressing your emotions. This can be a powerful life lesson as it tests you to hold on more strongly to your boundaries, but it is also not a healthy relationship if you feel silenced and admonished when you share your soul’s truth. Real love will allow you to assert yourself in a healthy way without fearing abandonment.

3. A toxic relationship with a partner that runs hot and cold will be filled with euphoric highs but also intense lows that deplete and exhaust you. A toxic soul contract is more about trauma bonding rather than fostering a healthy connection. Love will nourish you more than it takes from you. Love will add more balance to your life, encouraging you to take the path of self-love and self-respect. You will value yourself even more in a loving relationship because it will remind you of all your gifts in this world, your divinity, and your inner strength and beauty. If you suspect you’re in a toxic relationship or any kind of toxic “soul contract,” understand that you have the free will to break away and pursue a different path – one that recognizes your worth, and does not detract from it. 

Here are the four zodiacs who are likely to meet a romantic soulmate before or by 2026. 

Aries

When the stars align and fates intertwine, you will feel drawn to a soulmate who can bring you joy like you’ve never experienced before. This partner will give you the space to own your fiery power while also providing the calm waters for you to thrive. Independent Aries, this is one of the first times you will feel safe enough to really be taken care of by a partner who celebrates your strength while comforting you in the moments where you no longer feel strong. Don’t shy away from what you deserve just because of your fear of vulnerability – and remember to balance bravery with boundaries. 

Libra

All’s fair in love and war and justice is finally coming to your love life, Libra. You may be merging with a soulmate before or by 2026 who will remind you of all the good that you deserve and that you’re allowed to embody your most authentic self when receiving love. The healthiest soulmate connection you’ll have is with a partner who is genuinely aligned with your core values, but you can only call in such a soulmate most powerfully when you’re not trying to please others at the expense of your own well-being. Diplomacy and balance are needed in this world, but so is the ability to speak your truth. Connect with who you really are and not who you present yourself to be, and you’ll have the best chance of attracting a soulmate who makes you feel seen and loved completely, who will honor and cherish you as you are. 

Gemini

You’re about to meet your better half in the cosmos, Gemini. Just remember to keep your excitement at bay until you’ve thoroughly explored this soulmate connection to see whether it has the potential to transform into a long-lasting love. You may find yourself easily immersed in the chaotic enthusiasm of love without considering the dangers of becoming too enmeshed. Some soulmates come into our lives to teach us vital lessons about owning our self-worth, reminding us to choose ourselves before sacrificing ourselves for our partners. Find out what kind of soulmate this is before you make any kind of steep commitment – and remember to enjoy the ride nonetheless. You’ll learn a lot about yourself on this soulmate journey and what you truly desire and deserve in the realm of true love.

Leo

Leo, you love the theatricality of romance and can often get swept away by grand gestures or gift your partners with such gestures even before you know who your partner really is. Your meeting with a soulmate will teach you to slow down and prioritize concrete actions over hollow words or empty promises. You will learn to savor a slow-burning romance that challenges you to share the rawest, deepest parts of yourself organically over time rather than perform. Remember not to fall under someone’s spell completely until you’ve assessed the true character of the person, and not just their potential. This will be a soulmate who will either challenge you to hold on tightly to your boundaries even in the face of a tempting illusion or will give you the reality of the love you’ve been dreaming of. Either way, you must honor your intuition. When you’re with a healthy soulmate, you can achieve great things.

Alchemists channel obstacles into opportunities and transmute less than ideal circumstances into gold, all with the divine magic of their inner power and resilience. Here are two signs that naturally make the most powerful powerful alchemists, making them magnificent magnets for wealth and abundance in all facets of their lives.

Scorpio

This one is a no-brainer. Scorpio, you’ve already mastered the art of alchemy, transforming any circumstance in life into gold. If anyone is the embodiment and carrier of such a powerful energy, it’s you. You manifest great wealth and abundance in many facets of your life because of your ability to do transformative shadow work which skyrockets your manifestations. You also evoke transformation in others just through your presence alone as you do not require their validation and approval. Because you know how to harness darkness to open a portal to light, you often pave the way for others to look at their own power more deeply. You work with a deep magic within you – you’re an untouchable sorceress. You put yourself on the pedestal and you don’t bow down to anyone, no matter who they are. Whatever power and authority they think they have in the material realm, you know better. If anything, people bend the knee for you because of your natural self-confidence. You know how to harness your emotions and wield it to get your desires in a constructive way. You are magnetic in your sexuality and have a sense of royalty surrounding your aura. You’re deeply in touch with the cycles of rebirth and transformation. You’ve gone to the dark side and come out of the underworld more rejuvenated than ever, only to create heaven for yourself on earth.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius seems like such a playful, joyful sign – on the outside, there’s nothing remotely intense or intimidating brewing underneath their cheerful smiles. But Sagittarius, your true power could make anyone fold. People who truly know you understand that your connection with your inner guidance, sacred emotions, and your ability to make gold even out of ashes is beyond impressive – and even a bit terrifying. You’re quite the powerful alchemist and anything you send your energy to is instantly transformed – good or bad. You have the ability to burn down anything holding you back, resurrecting yourself. You are able to alchemize obstacles and adversity into opportunities with ease, and heal people with just your words alone. You also have the power to transform less than ideal circumstances into dangerous abundance. As a natural witch and alchemist, you’re also a tremendous healer and luck bearer. Ruled by Jupiter, you are one of the luckiest signs of the Zodiac and know exactly how to transform adversity into powerful manifestations with ease, baffling outsiders who are not as connected to their divine power. At the same time, you’re quite okay with “being the villain in the true villain’s story” and becoming the karma for someone who really deserves it.

With one swift movement of your bow and arrow, your powerful impact on the world is akin to lightning and thunder – and you’re always willing to bring a storm, standing up to the bullies that easily stand down when met with your formidable presence. As a bold fire sign and an intellectual philosopher, you will destroy the old destructive patterns of this world and speak your truth so bluntly and decisively that it sets the world on fire toward a path of revolution and positive change. This is powerful alchemy not just for yourself but for the world.

As audiences look at movies and tv shows in hindsight, they are now realizing that on-screen villains tend to be the ones that give life-changing advice regarding love, relationships, and human nature that is actually insightful and eerily accurate. Here are four movie and tv villains who actually made good points we can learn from, even if some of their actions were deplorable. 

Amy Dunne from Gone Girl

Amy Dunne is a psychopathic character and her actions should never be emulated in real life, but that doesn’t mean her words and insights can’t be appreciated, albeit with a grain of salt. She had some chillingly on-point monologues about how women are treated in relationships that resonated strongly with a female audience. At one point, she says, “Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That’s murder.” Woah! Talk about poetically delineating how draining relationships can be when you’re doing most of the domestic and emotional (and in this case, financial) labor, causing women to realize how they will lose their identities if they’re with a partner who only takes and takes from them. In her legendary “Cool Girl” monologue, Amy also talks about how women are conditioned to morph themselves into whoever their man prefers, rather than being their authentic selves, thereby lowering her own standards and expectations to please him and silencing themselves.

As she notes, “Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. ‘Cool girl.’ Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment: ‘She’s a cool girl.’ Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner. And then presents her mouth for f**king. She likes what he likes, so evidently, he’s a vinyl hipster who loves fetish Manga. If he likes girls gone wild, she’s a mall babe who talks for football and endures buffalo wings at Hooters.” For Amy, being the “cool girl” bore no rewards and the shapeshifting she had to do in her relationship with Nick only led to betrayal and more disrespect. Point made. 

Dexter Morgan from Dexter

Some would argue that Dexter may be more of a vigilante antihero rather than an outright villain, but regardless of how you categorize him, he certainly made some very good points throughout the show. The reason why Dexter is such a morally grey character is that he punishes perpetrators who would remain punished otherwise, acting as the karma for people the legal and justice system may let escape. This is most powerfully illustrated in an episode where he hunts down a predator who develops a fixation on his young stepchildren. By doing so, he saves countless future victims of their crimes from harm. 

His philosophical insights from an outsider’s perspective also gives us keen insights into the human condition and how we all play roles to fit into society. He manages our expectations, telling us, “Never underestimate the capacity of other people to let you down.” He comments on how people put on charming facades to fit into polite society, drawing a distinction between social obligations and authenticity when he states, “Anybody can be charming if they don’t mind faking it, saying all of the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don’t have a conscience, I say them.” Finally, he’s always letting us know that being morally grey doesn’t mean we don’t have integrity and that we must keep to what we think is right so we don’t go off the deep end, asserting, “We all make rules for ourselves. It’s these rules that help define who we are. So, when we break those rules, we risk losing ourselves and becoming something unknown.” 

Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians

In the 1996 live action remake of 101 Dalmatians, Cruella de Vil is painted as an obvious villain who cruelly exploits animals to satisfy her passion for fur. And to be sure, her behavior is horrific and absolutely unacceptable in that regard. But audiences have long been noticing that the malicious Cruella is used as the voice to communicate important and accurate insights about marriage.

When a talented designer working for her company, Anita, announces she may leave the job if she found a man to marry, Cruella astutely observes, “More good women have been lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease, and disaster. You have talent, darling. Don’t squander it.” When Anita announces she is pregnant with Roger’s child, Cruella is visibly anguished. This is meant to show that Cruella is an enemy of the nuclear family and sinister in her motives, but really, considering all the burdens and health risks women take on during childbirth and childrearing, it’s not necessarily a “wrong” response to have. Given the extensive research on how marriage can place women at a disadvantage on average due to the burden of emotional and domestic labor they’re often forced to take on, she’s also not entirely incorrect. And considering Anita does end up married and having children with Roger right away and gives up her career as a designer while fulfilling his dream, it does seem her predictions came true to an extent as well. It is interesting that a female villain is the one who is used to communicate these “taboo” opinions, almost as if the movie was conditioning audiences to associate such advice with villainy and the destruction of the nuclear family, rather than viewing it as a reasonable perspective. 

Arya Stark from Game of Thrones

Most fans of Game of Thrones wouldn’t see Arya Stark as an outright villain, but some do find her sadism and pursuit of violent and vengeful justice to avenge her family members a bit disturbing. That being said, Arya’s transformation from badass sword and bow-and-arrow wielding child to skilled and trained assassin is a sight to behold, and her resilience teaches audiences how to hold on to who you are even in the darkest of times and use your skills resourcefully to change the world for the better (in her case, spoiler alert: defeating the worst threat to Westeros and conquering the everlasting darkness for good). She also stays true to herself when Gendry proposes to her, saying, “I am not a lady. That’s not me,” something she declared to her father even as a child, and sets out to sail around the world instead, emphasizing the importance of knowing one’s true self and pursuing one’s genuine desires rather than complying to traditional societal expectations. Her journey of overcoming complex trauma also gave us many unique insights into how honoring and channeling our anger can be a necessary part of the journey to healing, although the way we do it in real-life contexts are sure to be more constructive rather than destructive as portrayed on the show. 

Sagittarius: Arya Stark

Freedom-loving, rebellious, determined, and passionate, fiery warrior Arya Stark is a true Sagittarius in that she is not only literally equipped and talented with a bow and arrow, she does not play by society’s rules. Arya defies gender stereotypes as she becomes a trained and skilled fighter, ultimately (spoiler alert) defeating the worst threat of Westeros. Her pursuit of justice, resourcefulness, and natural ability to learn new skills is common for many with the Sagittarius sign. Arya is also a natural explorer as we see her leaving behind the conventional expectations of marriage to sail around the world – perfect for the Sag centaurs who want to roam the earth.

Scorpio: Daenerys Targaryen 

Many associate Daenerys with fire signs due to her fire-breathing dragons and feistiness and there’s no doubt she certainly has powerful fire sign qualities – but there is something uniquely “Scorpio” about her leadership and journey that cannot be denied. This is especially true for the way she goes through perpetual cycles of death and rebirth, quite literally as well as figuratively, as Scorpios are prone to doing. Perhaps it’s also the epic visual we see of her in all black with dragon wings behind her or the ruthlessness with which she gains power, but Daenerys emits a dangerous power that cannot be contained.  She transforms whole communities and frees them – yet as we see in the end, she also has the ability to destroy them. Her secretive and reserved demeanor screams the scorpion; her ability to conceal her intentions and true gifts and abilities (the scene where she quietly says Dracarys to the men disrespecting her and reveals that Valyrian is her mother tongue comes to mind) until they are needed is perfectly aligned with the Scorpio who is often underestimated due to their more  mysterious nature.

Taurus: Gendry

Stable, tough, reliable and dependable, Gendry fits in well with other earthy signs as he is grounded in his core values and always willing to help out his loved ones with his wisdom and resources. His love and loyalty for Arya is one of devotion and service – true to the way a Taurus falls in love, faithful to his partner.

Aquarius: Bran Stark

Bran Stark is a visionary, innovative, prophetic and eccentric character – very much in line with the traits of an Aquarius. He has access to supernatural powers and information others aren’t privy to, allowing him to build a new world. Major Aquarius (as well as some Cancer) vibes.

Leo: Brienne of Tarth 

Brave, fearless, loyal, and a skilled fighter, Brienne of Tarth epitomizes the lion’s strength and bravery. When you need Brienne, she’ll always be there – and she’ll always put on an epic show defeating your shared enemies. Talk about a true friend.

Aries: The Hound

The Hound, or Sandor Clegane, is Arya’s mentor, guiding her through her journey of revenge. As one of the fiercest and strongest fighters, he carries major Aries energy as he is both honorable and bold, taking audacious action to defeat his opponents.

Virgo: Cersei Lannister

Logical, detailed, and detached, Cersei is the ultimate portrait of a Virgo who relies on a plan to get ahead. No one can deny the hard work she puts in to protect her family at all costs.

Libra: Jon Snow

Not all were a fan of Jon Snow’s actions in the end of Game of Thrones, but no one can deny that he tried to “play fair” and attempted to prevent Daenerys from going too far in her pursuit of power despite his love for her. This is Libra through and through – making difficult sacrifices needed to ensure harmony and balance.

Gemini: Margaery Tyrell

Margaery has both sunny Leo and duplicitous Gemini energy, but because of her ability to play both sides like a fiddle and her powers of persuasion and intellectual conversation, we feel she embodies the Gemini most effectively. She is one skilled politician with a penchant for gossip and climbing the social ladder.

Cancer: Jorah Mormont

Still waters run deep, and Jorah’s love and deep admiration of Daenerys screams Cancer. Jorah stays fighting for his Queen until the very end, and his emotional protectiveness of her is inspiring to see. Jon Snow could learn a lesson or two from him in loyalty.

Capricorn: The Night King

Icy Capricorn, you’re not always the villain, but we can’t help but think the Night King showcases your cutthroat coldness and ambition. You are willing to take whatever it takes to rise to power and lead.

Pisces: Missandei

Missandei was one of the kindest and most compassionate characters on Game of Thrones, and we think she is perfectly represented by the sensitive, intuitive Pisces. She served Daenerys until the very end, and we will always honor her service.

As audiences look at movies and tv shows in hindsight, they are now realizing that on-screen villains tend to be the ones that give life-changing advice regarding love, relationships, and human nature that is actually insightful and eerily accurate. Here are four movie and tv villains who actually made good points we can learn from, even if some of their actions were deplorable. 

Amy Dunne from Gone Girl

Amy Dunne is a psychopathic character and her actions should never be emulated in real life, but that doesn’t mean her words and insights can’t be appreciated, albeit with a grain of salt. She had some chillingly on-point monologues about how women are treated in relationships that resonated strongly with a female audience. At one point, she says, “Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That’s murder.” Woah! Talk about poetically delineating how draining relationships can be when you’re doing most of the domestic and emotional (and in this case, financial) labor, causing women to realize how they will lose their identities if they’re with a partner who only takes and takes from them. In her legendary “Cool Girl” monologue, Amy also talks about how women are conditioned to morph themselves into whoever their man prefers, rather than being their authentic selves, thereby lowering her own standards and expectations to please him and silencing themselves.

As she notes, “Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. ‘Cool girl.’ Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment: ‘She’s a cool girl.’ Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner. And then presents her mouth for f**king. She likes what he likes, so evidently, he’s a vinyl hipster who loves fetish Manga. If he likes girls gone wild, she’s a mall babe who talks for football and endures buffalo wings at Hooters.” For Amy, being the “cool girl” bore no rewards and the shapeshifting she had to do in her relationship with Nick only led to betrayal and more disrespect. Point made. 

Dexter Morgan from Dexter

Some would argue that Dexter may be more of a vigilante antihero rather than an outright villain, but regardless of how you categorize him, he certainly made some very good points throughout the show. The reason why Dexter is such a morally grey character is that he punishes perpetrators who would remain punished otherwise, acting as the karma for people the legal and justice system may let escape. This is most powerfully illustrated in an episode where he hunts down a predator who develops a fixation on his young stepchildren. By doing so, he saves countless future victims of their crimes from harm. 

His philosophical insights from an outsider’s perspective also gives us keen insights into the human condition and how we all play roles to fit into society. He manages our expectations, telling us, “Never underestimate the capacity of other people to let you down.” He comments on how people put on charming facades to fit into polite society, drawing a distinction between social obligations and authenticity when he states, “Anybody can be charming if they don’t mind faking it, saying all of the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don’t have a conscience, I say them.” Finally, he’s always letting us know that being morally grey doesn’t mean we don’t have integrity and that we must keep to what we think is right so we don’t go off the deep end, asserting, “We all make rules for ourselves. It’s these rules that help define who we are. So, when we break those rules, we risk losing ourselves and becoming something unknown.” 

Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians

In the 1996 live action remake of 101 Dalmatians, Cruella de Vil is painted as an obvious villain who cruelly exploits animals to satisfy her passion for fur. And to be sure, her behavior is horrific and absolutely unacceptable in that regard. But audiences have long been noticing that the malicious Cruella is used as the voice to communicate important and accurate insights about marriage.

When a talented designer working for her company, Anita, announces she may leave the job if she found a man to marry, Cruella astutely observes, “More good women have been lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease, and disaster. You have talent, darling. Don’t squander it.” When Anita announces she is pregnant with Roger’s child, Cruella is visibly anguished. This is meant to show that Cruella is an enemy of the nuclear family and sinister in her motives, but really, considering all the burdens and health risks women take on during childbirth and childrearing, it’s not necessarily a “wrong” response to have. Given the extensive research on how marriage can place women at a disadvantage on average due to the burden of emotional and domestic labor they’re often forced to take on, she’s also not entirely incorrect. And considering Anita does end up married and having children with Roger right away and gives up her career as a designer while fulfilling his dream, it does seem her predictions came true to an extent as well. It is interesting that a female villain is the one who is used to communicate these “taboo” opinions, almost as if the movie was conditioning audiences to associate such advice with villainy and the destruction of the nuclear family, rather than viewing it as a reasonable perspective. 

Arya Stark from Game of Thrones

Most fans of Game of Thrones wouldn’t see Arya Stark as an outright villain, but some do find her sadism and pursuit of violent and vengeful justice to avenge her family members a bit disturbing. That being said, Arya’s transformation from badass sword and bow-and-arrow wielding child to skilled and trained assassin is a sight to behold, and her resilience teaches audiences how to hold on to who you are even in the darkest of times and use your skills resourcefully to change the world for the better (in her case, spoiler alert: defeating the worst threat to Westeros and conquering the everlasting darkness for good). She also stays true to herself when Gendry proposes to her, saying, “I am not a lady. That’s not me,” something she declared to her father even as a child, and sets out to sail around the world instead, emphasizing the importance of knowing one’s true self and pursuing one’s genuine desires rather than complying to traditional societal expectations. Her journey of overcoming complex trauma also gave us many unique insights into how honoring and channeling our anger can be a necessary part of the journey to healing, although the way we do it in real-life contexts are sure to be more constructive rather than destructive as portrayed on the show. 

Weaponized Incompetence. One of the top complaints about men in marriage from women remains the unequal division of labor in the home, which studies indicate tends to burden women with more of the household and domestic responsibilities and childrearing responsibilities, even if women are the ones who are making significant financial contributions to the household. In fact, research shows us that women are earning more yet are still expected to take up most of the domestic labor in addition to their career responsibilities. Weaponized incompetence is the act of pretending you are unable to perform a task, so you won’t be asked to do it. For example, spouses who pretend they don’t know how to “handle the baby” or pick up groceries so they can engage in leisurely activities and leave all childrearing or shopping responsibilities to the mother are exercising weaponized incompetence. Women are sharing that they are dissatisfied with this tactic, as it feels like having to take care of an additional child in the home even though their husband is a grown adult.  

Abandoning their partners in times of crisis or need.  Research indicates that men are more likely than women to abandon their partners when they are critically ill or facing life-threatening conditions. This phenomenon is so pervasive that some medical professionals report warning women of this risk of being abandoned when they are diagnosed. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to be by their partner’s side and tend to be compelled to care for their partners in times of illness, possibly also due to the way they are socialized to be caretakers. 

Emotionally or even physically cheating.  Cheating isn’t just physical, it can be emotional too. Whether it’s flirting excessively at work, having “close” and shady friendships with the opposite sex, sliding into the direct messages of women on social media, or following lewd accounts, men can cheat even when they’re not physically engaging in an affair. Such transgressions and violations may not be as explicit as a full-fledged affair, but they are deeply harmful and disrespectful.  In addition, women have reported being cheated on whether it’s after bearing multiple children, building up their husband’s businesses, or going overboard to maintain a perfect physique. It seems there is nothing to be done to prevent a man’s disloyalty: if they want to cheat, they will, regardless of how much their wives do for them.

Lack of appreciation and devaluation.  The best husbands are the ones who shower their wives with appreciation, kindness, and loving words of affirmation every day of the marriage, keeping the spark alive. Unfortunately, for many women in marriages today, such verbal reassurance and emotional attentiveness are lacking, and women feel like they are begging for the bare minimum, which may be why so more women than men tend to initiate and be the ones to file for divorce. 

Going 50/50 in a world that isn’t equal. Piggybacking off the point about weaponized incompetence, women aren’t truly “equal” yet in a world that diminishes them and subjects them to double standards and a disproportionately larger risk of harm, discrimination, and violence. Yet despite not being a traditional “provider” man, many husbands are still demanding that women be both “traditional” and “modern,” by going 50/50 financially and doing all the housework and childcare. If we look at this carefully, it looks like some men expect women, the oppressed sex, to do even more labor for them despite the fact that men have more access and privilege to opportunities and resources on average! 

Not supporting their partner’s success. As women move up the corporate ladder in a patriarchal society and fight against structural inequalities, they are reporting backlash from the men they date. Paradoxically, even though their husbands and boyfriends might still expect to leech off their resources, they tend to be envious and threatened by successful women, according to a wealth of research. It appears the pool of high-quality men who support a woman’s success while still being fair to the inequalities she faces in society is quite rare these days, and there’s a reason why movies like Fair Play that comment on this double standard are so popular – they represent women’s lived experiences quite accurately. If you’re thinking of getting married, make sure to listen to the stories of women who’ve experienced the struggles, who understand the risks, and ask yourself whether the costs of being married outweigh the benefits when choosing your spouse. 

Keep your distance naturally at the beginning by focusing on yourself and prioritizing your goals. Be the main character. It may seem counterintuitive, but ironically the reason people become obsessed with you is because you’re obsessed with yourself. That is why naturally self-focused women always have men vying for their attention and double texting them on the daily. You’ve probably experienced this yourself when you’ve forgotten to text a man back while pursuing an activity you love, working on a project, or hanging out with your friends – they will keep reaching out to you because they develop a curiosity about what you’re up to and what could possibly be more important than them. Make your energy and effort scarce until he is showing to you he is worth the time and energy, and even then, do not go overboard trying to shower him with affection in return – men don’t like doting people-pleasers, they actually obsess over self-focused women who have their own lives, as much as they complain about those women. Consider that many men have been socialized to have “Main Character” syndrome – that is why many women report and complain that while they ask men important questions on dates, men rarely reciprocate in the same manner, sometimes even centering themselves when women share details about themselves! You can be the “main character” without being as obnoxious, however – simply realize you must deprogram yourself from the belief that men are the center of your existence and decenter them. From now on, you are, and you have to think about what you want, desire, and need and redirect your focus any time you start ruminating over a man. This will ensure that a man has to add value to your life for you to remain interested in him, which is actually what piques his interest. 

Master your emotions. Gaining emotional mastery in the dating world is a must if you want to date high-quality men and also have a fulfilling life overall. Before you take any actions toward a man, get into the habit of asking yourself, “Am I doing this from a place of power, or uncertainty?” If you’re urgently seeking a sense of safety, give it to yourself first. Practice grounding and mindfulness techniques and then take aligned action from that place of security. For example, if a man starts texting less and your natural inclination is to keep chasing him, take a breath and refocus on yourself instead. Tend to the tasks you have to get done, find a pleasurable distraction, call a friend, absorb yourself in a hobby, interest, or dream you want to pursue. Then, reassess whether this man is actually right for you. It’s from this place of inner peace that you can flourish. 

Engage in a cost-benefits analysis throughout the relationship. Many women in the dating world have a tendency to hold onto incompatible relationships beyond the expiration date of the relationship. Any time you start dating a man, it’s important to start pulling away and withdrawing whenever he exhibits behavior you’re not comfortable with or doesn’t meet your standards or boundaries. For example, if he cancels on a date last-minute or suggests going on a low-effort date, you may choose not to respond or tell him you have other plans and start detaching from communication to prevent him from getting continued access to you. Do a cost-benefits analysis whenever possible when dating a man – is he benefiting you? Or is he detracting energy and time away from you and your goals, diminishing your peace, and having a detrimental effect on your mental health? Men do all this time and drop women that threaten their self-interest all the time! It’s time to adopt this mentality for yourself. 

Have other options. If you’re dating someone and not exclusive yet, you don’t owe anyone exclusivity. Men take advantage of their options before they settle down (some even do after they settle down – but that’s a different story) and are encouraged to be lifelong bachelors. You’re allowed to date multiple partners if you want and get to know whomever you wish, and yes, you’re allowed to date partners you’re both physically and mentally attracted to – don’t let society or media convince you otherwise and don’t settle for less. Don’t feel obligated to stick to just one man or get hyper-focused and fixated on someone you’re just getting to know. Explore your options and enjoy yourself. Find out what traits and qualities you like in the men you date, and the ones you’d rather avoid. Dating is about discovery, not fear, obligation, or guilt. 

Develop an untouchable self-concept. Take time to be single and work on your self-concept – this is different from self-esteem, although they can affect each other. Your self-concept contains all the beliefs you have about yourself, including beliefs about your relation to the world and others. Remind yourself of your positive characteristics and why a potential dating partner would be lucky to have you in their life – celebrate your humor, your intelligence, your beauty, your strength, your talents, your gifts, your personality and what people love about you. Appreciate and honor your uniqueness and what you bring to the table. Take inventory of your limiting beliefs about yourself and reprogram these with healthier, more empowering beliefs. “I am important and valuable” and “I deserve the very best in relationships” can be vital beliefs to instill in your self-concept. This untouchable self-concept will always serve you well, whether you’re single, actively dating, or in a romantic relationship with a high-quality man.

You’re out of the league of many people in the current dating pool. 

Are we still gaslighting women into believing that there’s something wrong with them if they haven’t found their match, given how many amazing women have already opted out of dating altogether because of the quality of the current dating pool? Let’s take it a step further. Consider the most famous celebrities you know who are single — specifically women. Looks? Drop dead gorgeous. Net worth? Multimillionaire status. Talents? Top tier and otherworldly. Personality? Well, depending on the celebrity we are talking about, usually captivating enough to charm an entire worldwide audience. It’s clear being single as a woman isn’t an indication of what you bring to the table, but rather what is being offered at the table. Think also about stars who’ve been mistreated by the men they’ve dated. It includes the likes of Britney Spears (even at the height of her stardom and youth, she claimed she was cheated on by Justin Timberlake, according to her memoir), Shakira, Gwen Stefani, Sandra Bullock (Jesse James was allegedly cheating on her during the time she was thanking him in her speech after winning an Oscar, and James later admitted he cheated in part due to his ego, possibly feeling threatened by her), Beyonce (who was cheated on multiple times by her husband Jay Z), Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlett Johannson (allegedly), and many more. Many of the most beautiful and successful women in the world are either single by choice or have often been mistreated by men of lower status than them who sought to “humble” them. Do you really think the average man who grows up in a misogynistic society doesn’t feel threatened by a woman who outearns him or surpasses his success and has a certain level of beauty and personality that grabs more positive attention than he does? A wealth of research indicates otherwise. Have you ever considered that you’re single not because there’s anything wrong with you, but because of everything that is right with you? While you may not be a celebrity, the same principle still applies. The more positive qualities and assets you have, the more selective you often have to be in your choice of partner because your dating pool of eligible bachelors who are actually compatible with you and worthy of you significantly shrinks.  

If you’re an attractive, empathic, intelligent, personable, and successful woman who possesses many positive qualities, you might think that’s an asset to the dating world and people often ask you curiously why you’re single. Let’s be real: it’s very easy for the average man to find an amazing or at least decent woman with empathy in the dating world – yet we see that thousands of women who are leaving the dating world and opting out of romance and marriage altogether en masse due to the quality of men they are running into. Powerful women are shortchanged and cheated on every day by men they surpass in many aspects. Singlehood offers an escape from being betrayed or violated by someone you had to settle for or wasn’t even compatible with in the first place: instead of constantly settling down with users and cheaters in the dating pool who are threatened by your mere existence like many women in the world including the most powerful women still are and men who seek to “humble” you out of envy once they have you, you’re not so easily impressed. You get to make your own rules and only settle for a partner who is truly worthy of you, without trying to shrink yourself or who you are.

You’re discerning and intelligent. 

Unlike the average person who is ready to risk their entire life-course trajectory just to engage in a relationship, you’re actually smart enough to understand the costs of a relationship with a man and are familiar with the red flags of toxic behavior. You are well read on the research that shows that married women fare worse than married men on average especially when it comes to mental health and being more psychologically distressed, and the studies on how single, childfree women can be just as happy, healthy, and wealthy – in some cases, even moreso, than their married counterparts. You’ve heard the thousands of stories from currently married women who say they would never get married again — and you actually listen closely! You know that in entering marriage, most women tend to take up more of the burdens of domestic labor, parenting and childrearing, and emotional labor, and sometimes even financial labor. Unless they are with a man with a natural and genuine provider mentality, the costs of marriage for women are rarely outweighed by the benefits. You know that childrearing with the wrong man would not just rob you of your own life, it would harm the way your child grows up and his or her beliefs about relationships. Some women enter marriage with a sign of relief that they’re finally married, even if it’s to a subpar man who barely meets their needs or fulfills their true desires, just so they can say to the world, “I am married.” Smart women breathe a sigh of relief they’re not with the wrong man and they’re not tied down forever to someone who undervalues them. Remember: genuinely happy couples don’t constantly talk about their marital status or use it to “look down” on single people, especially on single women who are thriving in their lives. 

You’re selective and won’t settle for just anyone just to settle down.

You’re single because you know your worth. You’ve deprogrammed society’s centering of men and prioritized your needs, your desires, your goals, your authentic self, your peace, your joy, and you have no plans on sacrificing those just to please a partner who doesn’t please you. You may have already had plenty of experience to understand what you truly want from a partner. Others may call you picky and choosy, but they’re not the ones who have to live with your choices or the consequences of your decisions. You are, so pick wisely. You know that the energy you spend on building up a bare minimum man would be better off spent pursuing your goals, skyrocketing in your career, building your friendships, and actually finding healthy love you are worthy of. You know that your true love and soulmate isn’t going to be a man who needs to be chased down or pleaded with. You’re not waiting for the one — you’re living your life and you’re killing it. If “the one” so happens to come around, he has to be someone who adds value to your already flourishing life. 

Stop being his peace and start being his problem—and a menace to society. High quality men don’t fall in love with people-pleasing women — they fall in love with “inconvenient” women who make them work hard to earn them. This is part of the dopamine rush for them. 

Okay, you don’t really have to become a menace to society. I just included that for fun and bonus points. Too often, women are conditioned to center and cater to men in dating and relationships. Studies reveal that people in romantic relationships do not get as much of a dopamine rush from partners who are predictable and consistent – they actually get it from intermittent reinforcement, unpredictability, and hot and cold behavior. That doesn’t mean you have to deliberately be hot and cold or toxic. It simply means that by holding firmly to your standards and centering yourself rather than a man’s existence, you invest more time on yourself, invest less time on your dating partners and become more selective about who you spend on your energy on naturally. Society encourages women in relationships to bend over backwards, spend all their time on chasing men, cook and clean, be the “cool girl,” smile pleasantly while men disrespect you, and sacrifice their dreams and goals all in the pursuit of locking down a man. Once you start decentering men and start centering yourself, your standards, your needs, and your boundaries however, the crucial deprogramming begins — and that is actually when you have the opportunity to draw in high quality partners who actually respect you and get what you want out of a relationship as well. 

You have been told your whole life to be a man’s peace — now it’s time to teach yourself how to be okay with being a problem when necessary to hold on to your standards and boundaries. Authentic high-quality men do not fall in love with doting people-pleasers. They fall in love with so-called “inconvenient” women who challenge them to be better men. They want to impress the women they desire, not have one cater to them endlessly. By handing your attention over to a man who has shown you little to no effort, you’ve already convinced him that you are low value and that he is the prize when in reality, you are and he falls way below your standards. A high quality man’s dream woman isn’t constantly validating them — she’s usually not very interested unless he’s actually behaved in a manner that meets her needs and shows consistent, respectful, loving investment in her. When you naturally focus on yourself and stick to your standards, you become that dream woman for you and the rest falls into place in terms of the type of man you attract. As for low-quality men, they will settle for whatever woman gives them the “easiest” experience in a relationship and does the most for him without sacrificing any of their own time, resources, or energy because that is how they get their needs met—but being an easy woman will never give you the relationship you deserve or desire. Even the low-quality men you’re trying to please will still pursue and chase more challenging women when they think you’re not looking because no one can resist the dopamine rush of a woman with emotional mastery who is grounded in who they are, values themselves, and knows what they deserve, isn’t always around to validate a man and expects the best from her relationships.  

Boundaries and healthy emotional reactions to disrespect are sexy, not toxic. Stop demonizing them and start validating yourself and keep your options open until you meet the right man.

Boundaries are supposed to be in place to keep you safe and protect you from unhealthy men who don’t have your best interests at heart. Your emotions like anger or disappointment are functional, signal when you’re being disrespected, and can be used to fuel you toward cutting off people who don’t belong in your life. Boundaries are not just meant to be verbally communicated but actually enforced in your dating life and relationships. For example, when a man brings up last-minute or low-effort dates, or starts to withhold attention or affection from you, this is the perfect time for the “difficult” woman in you to come out and shine. While you may choose to put him in his place, you’re not going to continue to negotiate, overexplain your emotions, give him more energy than he deserves or try to make things easier for him by helping him and educating him on how to cosplay being a kind, decent, or generous man. They don’t commit early to men who haven’t shown them the same commitment – they keep their options wide open and make sure they have other suitors to compare them to. Ever wonder why toxic partners try to provoke the jealousy of their partners? Research shows it’s because it works to maintain power and control – and sadly, it’s often effective. You don’t have to use this strategy for nefarious reasons, however. You can just acknowledge the value of having other options early on in dating and avoiding commitment in circumstances where you’re not being treated well. Committing early on to a low-effort man is going to reward him with attention and teach him through classical conditioning that he can get away with bad behavior and still reap the reward of continued access to you no matter what he does. Instead, you’re going to present him with healthy consequences and loss of access to you – and now he has to either be as good as your other options or opt out altogether. You’re going to emotionally validate yourself, withdraw your investment from him completely, spend your time focusing on your goals and refocusing on better quality men who do know how to treat you well from the very beginning. You are going to be inconvenient and harder to reach once you see the red flags. “Difficult” women know that the way to weed out low-quality partners from their dating pool is by not accepting less than their standards and not giving more effort to a man who isn’t giving you effort or being mindful of what would please you. If that makes you “toxic,” so be it. 

Raise your standards and stop being afraid of being single until you meet your dream match. Use singlehood as a period to level up, become self-focused, and glow up in all parts of your life. Men shoot for the stars, and yet you keep lowering the bar.

Have you ever wondered why low-quality men benefit from movies that promote the pretty and high-achieving woman getting together with a man who may not be as up to par in terms of looks, finances, personality or whatever other traits you deem important? Or why low-quality men benefit from single-shaming women while praising men for being bachelors? Psychology tells us that “negging” – lowering a woman’s perceived value through backhanded comments – can work to an extent to cause a woman to shed their standards more and become more receptive to romantic advances. It is this double standard that allows those men to pursue attractive, intelligent, successful women well out of their league on a regular basis without any qualms, all while making women who fit this category feel obligated to not be as shallow or stringent about their own standards and expectations. Basically, low-quality men and society have been “negging” you for your entire life and trying to convince you to lower your standards by fear-mongering you about being single and not settling. It’s time to change that. 

You’re not toxic or single because you’re too “picky” — you’re intelligent enough not to settle just to have a relationship. It is very easy for the average man to feel entitled to the most beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman in the room because he’s been conditioned by society and by the media to feel like he deserves access to her. Meanwhile, you as a woman have been conditioned to feel not enough when you’re likely overqualified in all aspects and likely deserve so much better than the man you’re settling for just in hopes of a relationship. Take time to enjoy your own company and work on leveling up in other aspects of your life, not just your dating life. Supercharge your health regimen or fitness routine, take charge of your finances, pursue your education, expand your travels, meet like-minded friends, glow up physically and mentally, chase your dreams and chase anything but a man. A well-rounded woman who is self-focused in healthy ways is not toxic—she is attractive and alluring, and as a cherry on top, she draws in high-quality men who want to pursue her and add pleasure, value, and adventure to her life because these men know they have to work hard to even be a point of focus to her.

Do you want to be an unhappily married woman or a lonely woman in a relationship who settled for less, or do you want to be a peaceful and happy woman with a chance of having healthy love? If you want the latter, it’s time to stop being a man’s peace just to maintain a toxic relationship and start making peace with not settling for less. Being happily single, prioritizing yourself, and healthily self-focused is not anything to be ashamed of—on the contrary, it means you should be proud you have standards. It means you’re exclusive and not for everyone to access. It means you date high-quality men and reserve your energy and time for partners who are actually compatible, and match you in your core values, strengths, and drive. It means you avoided marrying the wrong person just to say you’re married, which can have lifelong detrimental effects. It means you did not stay in toxic or unhealthy or even just plain incompatible relationships just to say you have a boyfriend. It means you did not settle just to settle down. It means you were not docile enough to please a controlling man. It means your boundaries are working beautifully to protect you from people who would deter you from achieving your dreams and hold you back from the love you deserve. It means you have more peace and joy in your life than a woman whose life-course trajectory has been shaped and molded by a toxic man. It means you get to become the peace for yourself—and that anyone who wants entry to your life has to add value to it in order to stay. That’s not toxic, that’s intelligent and discerning. Never let a toxic man or a delusional society negotiate you out of your standards just to settle for a subpar relationship that doesn’t meet your needs when there are even low-quality men out there who have loving, doting partners they don’t even appreciate. Many men feel entitled to their dream woman—you deserve your dream man and your dream life.