You’ve grown into a more complete version of yourself.

You’ve had plenty of time alone, which gave you the opportunity to discover different sides of yourself. You know who you are, what you want, and where you’re heading in the future. You’ve learned valuable lessons, like how to compromise and how to express your needs, so the relationship will start off strong and remain strong. You know how to be a good friend to yourself, which means you can be a good friend to your partner.

You already know what you want and don’t want from another person.

Even if you don’t have much experience in relationships, you’ve learned what you need in a friend or business partner. You recognize what type of person meshes well with you and who you should stay far away from. Since you know yourself so well, you aren’t going to have any doubts about the person you end up choosing. You will feel confident that they’re the right person for you. After all, you know you won’t tolerate treatment that is beneath you. You know this person is worth it if you’re taking a chance on them.  

You’ve already established yourself in other areas.

You don’t have to worry about your person distracting you from following your dreams because you’ve already reached certain dreams. You’ve already created a set routine for yourself. You might have to rearrange your schedule a little to account for your new relationship, but you won’t sacrifice your biggest hopes and dreams for another person. You’ll be able to prioritize what matters the most to you and create a healthy balance.

You know you can live without them.

Instead of being scared of losing them, you’ll appreciate the fact that you have them since it took you so long to find each other. You’ll cherish every moment that you spend together. You’ll be thankful that your paths crossed. Plus, you know that you would be able to survive without them if you ever broke up so you don’t have to stress too much. You can simply enjoy the now without worrying about what comes next.

You’ll pay less attention to milestone markers.

You already watched most of your friends get married. You already know what it’s like feeling behind. Since you’ve already learned the lesson that different relationships move at different paces, and have already accepted that your life isn’t going to follow the timeline you expected it to when you were younger, you won’t feel pressured to catch up. You can move at a pace that makes you two comfortable. You can worry about your happiness instead of worrying about what society thinks.

They treat you the same in private as they do in public.

Their love isn’t performative. They aren’t treating you like royalty in front of friends and family, but then hounding you when you’re in a room alone together. They show you the same type of love and respect when you’re one-on-one as when you’re in a group of people. Their behavior doesn’t change drastically because their feelings for you are authentic. They aren’t putting on a show. They are expressing their genuine emotions.

They speak from the heart instead of telling you what they think you want to hear.

They aren’t going to give you empty apologies when they mess up so that the problem gets swept under the rug. They are going to tell you exactly how they’re feeling and explain where they were coming from. They are going to speak from the heart, and even though they might not always say the right thing, they are saying the most authentic thing. They are trying their best to be real with you.  

They show you they love you in little ways, not only through grand gestures.

They shouldn’t be waiting until holidays to shower you with affection and declare their undying love for you. They should be showing you that they care every single day, whether it’s through their actions or their words – or both. Their love is authentic if it is consistent. If they are able to treat you the same every single day, through good times and bad, through ups and downs, through happiness and sadness.

They see you as an actual, flawed person without putting you on a pedestal.

You don’t want your person to have the wrong impression about you. You don’t want them to be in love with the idealized version of you that they’re picturing in their head. You want them to be in love with the real you, flaws and all. You want them to understand your truth. You want them to see you for you. Then you know their feelings for you are real, not imagined or forced.

They are more invested in how your dates go than how it looks on social media.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice picture to post on their feed, but they shouldn’t be more concerned with making it look like you’re having a good time together and making it look like you’re deeply in love than actually making sure you’re having a good time and are treating each other well. They should enjoy making you happy, even when the rest of the world won’t be able to see it, even when only the two of you will know that it happened.

Communicate your feelings early.

Don’t wait until a problem snowballs to come to them about it. Don’t wait until you’re ready to explode at them over a certain behavior to admit that it’s been bothering you. Speak up about how you’re feeling early, so they know when there’s a problem and can fix it before it becomes a bigger issue.

Only make promises you can keep.

Breaking promises is an easy way to lose trust, so make sure you’re prepared to follow through on what you say. Make sure your actions will match your words so you don’t end up disappointing your partner and making them question whether they can count on you.

Communicate your feelings openly.

Having a conversation shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth. Don’t make them guess what’s bothering you for weeks or beg you to admit what you’re thinking. Answer their questions honestly and keep an open dialogue. Talking doesn’t have to be a big chore.

Actively listen whenever they speak.

It doesn’t matter whether they’re speaking about a serious topic or are ranting about their favorite TV show. Put down your phone and pay close attention to show them that you value what they have to say. They will stop trusting you with the little things if your eyes glaze over whenever they speak, so never make them feel like they’re talking to a wall.

Be clear about your boundaries, and respect their boundaries.

Make sure your partner knows what is and is not okay in your eyes. Make sure they have a clear understanding of your hopes and expectations for the relationship. And make sure you are taking their boundaries seriously too. Don’t peer pressure them or guilt them into doing what you want anyway. Respect the lines that they have drawn.

Avoid judging them when they open up to you.

Don’t relentlessly tease them about their biggest fears – or even their favorite music and movies – because it could cause them to hesitate before sharing more with you in the future. They should feel comfortable opening up to you about anything and everything without fear of judgement.

Stick up for them when they’re in trouble.

It should be the two of you against the world. They shouldn’t feel like you’re throwing them to the wolves whenever they’re in trouble. You should be in their corner, on their side. They should trust that you have their back, no matter what.

Say I love you and thank you every single day.

Remember, not all of your conversations should focus on the negative. You should have open discussions about the positives too. Express how much you appreciate them and how much you care about them on a frequent basis so they never have to question the way you feel.  

Your partner guilt trips you when you spend too much time working.

Although you should be setting aside quality time to spend with your partner, they shouldn’t expect you to spend every spare moment with them. You’re allowed to have hobbies and passions outside of the relationship. They’re not the only thing that is allowed to make you happy. They should understand when you need some time alone to work toward achieving your dreams. They shouldn’t make you feel terrible whenever you need a minute without them.

Your partner is openly jealous of your successes.

Your partner should be happy when you’re happy. They shouldn’t be treating you like the competition when you’re on the same side. If they can’t handle dating someone who is more successful than they are, then they shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Remember, your successes should be celebrated. You shouldn’t feel like you need to hide them from your partner, or like you need to minimize them in order to avoid hurt feelings. You are allowed to thrive – and your person should be proud of you for doing so.

Your partner fails to support and encourage your dreams.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should be hyping you up when you have doubts about yourself. They should be giving you pep talks and inspiring you to keep going, even when you feel like giving up. If your partner actively tries to talk you out of your dreams instead, and encourages you to give up and start thinking more realistically, then they are doing you a disservice. They are holding you back instead of helping you fly.

Your partner minimizes your accomplishments.

In a healthy relationship, your partner is going to be the first person to congratulate you. They are going to celebrate alongside you and compliment you on how hard you worked, how much you achieved. If your partner acts like your accomplishments are no big deal, or pokes fun at the work that you do in order to make you feel small, then you shouldn’t be together. You need someone who respects you and what you do for a living and who you are as a person.

Your partner makes you doubt your own abilities.

Your partner shouldn’t make you wonder whether you’re capable of achieving your wildest dreams. They shouldn’t give you reason to doubt yourself. They should give you reassurance and reason to believe in yourself.

Your partner makes you choose between your dreams and your relationship.

Believe it or not, you can have it all. You just need a partner who supports your dreams instead of actively tearing them apart. You should never have to choose between a career that you love and a person that you love, and anyone who expects you to do so isn’t the right one for you after all.

They’re not really your soulmate if they’re expecting you to do significantly more for them than they’re willing to do for you. Your relationship is meant to be equal. You’re meant to act as teammates who are in this thing together. Your partner should be giving the same amount that they are receiving. They shouldn’t be taking and taking from you with no intention of returning the favor. They shouldn’t make you feel like they’re owed time or attention or physical affection, especially when they aren’t giving you a breadcrumb in return.

They’re not really your soulmate if they’re bringing out your worst insecurities. Self-love starts and ends with you, but they shouldn’t be making your doubts worse by comparing you to exes or celebrities. They shouldn’t be pitting you against other people. They shouldn’t be intentionally causing jealousy so you realize how ‘good you have it’ with them. Your person should make you feel even more beautiful. They should be spoiling you with compliments and raising your confidence, not stomping it into the ground.

They’re not really your soulmate if they’re unsupportive of your dreams. The right person won’t talk you out of pursuing what your heart wants. They won’t convince you that you don’t have what it takes to succeed, or try to tether you in place so they can control you better. They will help you out, along every step of the way. They will be your biggest supporter and will hype you up whenever your doubts start to creep in. They will chase away your fears, not instill new ones.

They’re not really your soulmate if they’re unappreciative. The least they can do is muster up a thank you when you go above and beyond to please them. They could at least recognize all the hard work that you have been putting into the relationship. It’s not that hard to say that they appreciate you. The right person will never stop reminding you how glad they are to have you in their world, and they will make an effort to show you through their actions too. Talk isn’t enough for them. They want you to feel the love too. They want you to know they’re willing to put in the work too.

They’re not really your soulmate if the love feels toxic. If they’re causing you more teardrops than laughing fits. Although you might love them dearly, although the thought of leaving them behind might feel worse than the pain of withstanding the torture they keep putting you through, you have to choose yourself. You have to walk away if they aren’t giving you what you deserve. You owe them nothing. But you owe yourself everything.

They left you excited half the time – and disappointed the other half.

You deserve a partner who is consistent. They shouldn’t pick and choose when to treat you right. They shouldn’t bring you immense joy one day, and immense disappointment the next. If the one who got away only felt like the one half the time, then they weren’t enough for you. You need someone who shows up every single day, no excuses.

You weren’t the best version of yourself around them.

Your partner should bring out your best qualities, not your worst. You should like who you are when they’re standing in a room with you. If this person mostly brought out your jealous side or your mopey side, then they aren’t actually your soulmate. You deserve someone who makes you want to be the best partner possible. Someone who inspires you to reach your full potential.

You put in noticeably more effort than they did.

You might feel like they were the one who got away because your feelings for them were so strong – but you need to ask yourself whether they actually put any effort into being with you. Remember, you can’t sustain a relationship with someone who is uninterested in putting in the work. You need a partner who is going to make you feel loved and supported. A partner who is going to do their fair share of the work, even when it’s inconvenient.

You had conflicting feelings about how to spend the rest of your lives.

You need to have aligning views for the future in order to make a relationship last. If you felt differently about how many children you wanted to have (and if you wanted to have any at all), whether you wanted to get married, and the location you wanted to live, then you’re better off apart. Neither of you should have to sacrifice what you really want to be together.

You shared different values.

Having chemistry is one thing. But having shared values is another thing entirely. You can’t make a relationship last based on passion alone. You need so much more than that in order to spend the rest of your lives together, so if the one who got away was on a completely different page than you, it was never meant to last.

They failed to prioritize you.

You can’t expect to be your partner’s whole world – but you should be a huge part of it. If the one who got away never treated you like a priority, then a relationship never would have worked, despite how much they cared for you. You deserve a relationship where your partner treats you like a priority, not a bonus or a backup plan.

You keep giving out second (and third and fourth) chances.

If someone makes a bad habit out of hurting you, then you shouldn’t keep them close. You aren’t cruel for cutting them out of your life. If anything, they are cruel for putting you through the same heartbreak over and over again and expecting you to sit there and take it. Although you might love them, you need to set clear boundaries, or walk away from them once and for all. Either way, make it clear that they cannot keep hurting you without facing consequences.

You believe their words without paying attention to their actions.

It’s easy for someone to apologize, especially when they know you well and can predict exactly the right words to say in order to tug at your heartstrings. Even if they are genuinely apologetic in the moment, what matters is whether their actions change moving forward. Their words are meaningless without their behaviors backing it up, so make sure that you pay attention to whether they are following through on the promises they make you when they are trying to get you back on their good side.  

You keep chasing after the same type of people with different faces.

You don’t want to swap one bad partner out for another. When you’re exiting a bad relationship, take some time to think about the qualities you didn’t enjoy in that person, so you can avoid future partners that are basically a clone of them. That way, you won’t keep feeling like you’re stuck in a cycle, getting hurt in the same ways over and over again by different people. Although it’s impossible to know for sure whether someone is a bad idea before you get to know them, there are always red flags you can keep an eye out for.

You assume that forgiveness equals reconciliation.

Even if you can find it in your heart to forgive someone who has betrayed you, that doesn’t mean you need to continue to give them access to you. You can forgive them while wanting nothing to do with them moving forward. They aren’t owed your attention. It doesn’t matter how much history you share or how much you care about each other. If the smartest move is moving away from them, then you have to do that for your own sake. You have to choose you after a lifetime of putting other people first.

You care more about the hearts of others than your own heart.

Your generosity is beautiful, but it’s possible to care about others and care about yourself at the same time. Moving forward, try to keep in mind what you deserve and what would make you happy instead of automatically sacrificing your desires in order to please others. Although it might feel uncomfortable to choose yourself at first, it’s something you should learn to do. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.

You deserve better than a partner who complains whenever you ask them for something but expects you to drop everything in order to help them out. You deserve better than a love that feels lopsided and conditional. In this year, you owe it to yourself to stop wasting your time with partners who are comfortable giving you the bare minimum because you are not ‘greedy’ for craving more.

You deserve a partner who sets aside quality time to spend with you. A partner who prioritizes your relationship, so you never have to question where you stand with them. A partner who goes above and beyond to make you happy, the same way you always do for them.

You deserve a partner who is actually present when they’re in the room with you. A partner who listens closely when you’re speaking instead of staring at their phone and giving you one-word answers while waiting for their turn to speak. Your partner should appreciate your mind as much as your body. They should be invested in your opinions, your thoughts, and your dreams.

You deserve a partner you can genuinely count on. A partner who is going to follow through on their promises, even if it inconveniences them, because they want you to trust them. More than that, they want to be there for you. They would never dream of leaving you hanging because they care about you as much as you care about them. They are willing and eager to give as much as they receive because, in their eyes, you deserve the world.

You deserve a partner who shows up whenever you’re hurting. A partner who helps you through the healing process, no matter how long and arduous it is, instead of expecting you to deal with your problems alone. You shouldn’t settle for someone who cuts and runs whenever times get hard, who only wants to stick around for the happy, fun times because that’s not what a real relationship entails. You deserve a partner who lets you sob on their shoulder, who pulls you closer when you’re upset instead of turning the other way.

You deserve a partner who supports your wildest dreams, even if it means spending less time with them. They want the best for you, regardless of what it means for them because they genuinely have your best interest at heart. They honestly want to see you thrive. They aren’t jealous of your successes. They aren’t intentionally trying to hold you back. Quite the contrary. They are helping you reach your full potential. They are in your corner, no matter what. They always have your back, no question about it.

Don’t settle for anyone who leaves you hanging because you deserve someone you can count on one thousand percent. Someone whose words match their actions every time. You don’t want to waste time with someone who talks a big talk in order to sweep you off your feet, then fails to follow through. You deserve someone who means every single word they say to you. Someone who you can trust wholeheartedly because they have never misled you or looked you in the eyes and lied. They are authentic. They are loyal. They are proving that you can count on them time and time again.

You don’t want to voice your frustrations because you don’t want to cause a fight. You would rather avoid the drama by staying silent. But this means you’re letting them get away with their behavior. They won’t have any incentive to change the way they’re acting because they either don’t realize you’re unsatisfied or they realize that they can get away with it without consequence. Even though it’s common to have a fear of confrontation, you have to remember that tough conversations can be a good thing. It can make your relationship stronger when you’re with the right person, a person who is willing to grow and do what’s best for you.

You feel like you’re running out of time.

If you are trying to stick to some imaginary timeline and feel pressured to settle down ASAP, then you might pick the first person you find and decide that they’re good enough. As long as they aren’t treating you horribly, you might stay because you feel like you’re running out of time and options. But you have to remember, you can find love at any age. You aren’t as behind as you feel.

You’ve had bad relationship role models – or have been in bad relationships in the past.

When the relationships you’re used to are terrible, then anyone who treats you halfway decent will feel like a breath of fresh air. But just because someone treats you better than your ex did doesn’t mean they’re actually treating you well. It doesn’t mean they’re the perfect partner.

You struggle with your self-worth.

If you don’t realize how much you deserve, then there’s a chance you’re going to settle for someone who isn’t meeting your standards. There’s a chance you’ll believe them when they tell you that you should be happy with what they’re giving you, that you should take what you can get. If you don’t realize that you deserve the world, then you probably won’t ask for nearly as much as you should be getting.

You get attached easily.

If you fall in love easily, before you have the chance to really get to know this person, then there’s a chance you’ll realize they weren’t what you originally thought. There’s a chance that you’ll wake up one morning and realize that you’re with the type of person you swore you would never date. But if you’re already attached to them and are hesitant to leave, you might stay with someone who never deserved you.

You’re scared of being alone.

If you have no interest in ending the relationship, even though they aren’t making you happy, then you might not call them out on their BS. After all, you don’t want to chase them away. You don’t want to give them a reason to leave, and you know that speaking your mind could end the relationship. So you never ask for more. You settle for less than you deserve because you wrongly assume being in the wrong relationship beats being alone.

Even though he’s the only one you want right now, you shouldn’t wait for him forever because there’s no telling whether he’s serious when he says he’s not ready for a relationship right now. 

He might be telling you that in order to cover up for the fact he isn’t interested in dating you. He might be telling you that so he can string you along while hooking up with other girls on the side. He might be telling you that because he genuinely believes it’s the truth at the time — but things can change. He might find someone else. He might head down a new path. He might not give you the happily ever after you’ve been hoping to receive from him.

You shouldn’t wait for him forever because nine times out of ten, bad timing is a bad excuse. If he really wanted to be with you, then he could try to rearrange his schedule to make time for you, even though work has been leaving him swamped lately. If he really wanted to be with you, then he could try to figure out a way to make a long-distance relationship work, even though he’s miles away. If he really wanted to be with you, he would fight for you. He would put effort into you.

You shouldn’t wait for him forever because it’s not fair for you to be the one waiting, the one chasing, the one pouring all your love into him. If he cannot return your affection, then he doesn’t deserve your affection. You shouldn’t settle for anything one-sided. You shouldn’t settle for a mediocre version of love.

You shouldn’t wait for him forever because forever is a long time. There are other people out there who can give you what you need without a timer attached. You deserve to experience the world without being tied down to someone who might not even feel the same way about you. You deserve to see what it’s like to enter a relationship with someone who is ready for you, who is willing to give you everything you need. Not in a year or two or ten but today. 

You don’t want to end up waiting around for him when there’s no guarantee you two are going to end up together. Even if the timing really is bad, you’re allowed to live your life. You’re allowed to date other people. You’re allowed to explore your other options.

In the end, when the timing is right, the two of you might find your way back to each other. Or you might not.

Either way, you shouldn’t wait for him forever. You shouldn’t make yourself miserable just in case he decides to turn around and date you after years of chasing after him.